Humor Firenze

Humor Firenze

Here where Ice Cream is measured in grams
And Gucci eats spumoni
The whores on the bridge sell gold, what a scam,
And the prosciutto is bologna.

Here in the hills that spawned the art
When the world was dark with fear
The Arno flows, no stop, all start,
While your lover nibbles your ear.

The invaders now are not on the backs
Of elephants from over the hills.
But short of cash in their knapsacks,
Unable to pay all their bills.

So they sell themselves on the church square
For everyone to see.
I doubt the locals think that it’s fair
But what perfect irony:

That Dante wrote of nothing but hell
Surrounded by visions of heaven.
And the butcher and baker that used to do well
Are usurped by seven-eleven.

It’s not what you think or what you say
But how well you ladle a brush.
Excuse me but their must be a way
To shit without having to flush.

“There is a way,” says the man at the desk
As he swears in Italiano.
“Just take off your shirt and stick out your chest
And we’ll pull it out my Pisano.”

But that will cost the type of tip
That you can not afford.
You’d forever stop you summer trip
To become one of the insurgent horde.

Which takes us back to the line in front
Of Uffizi or some other museum.
To a time when the art was all balls and no cunt-
Look at them lined up to see-’em!

The church lost control long ago in these parts
When money could buy any treasure.
Which led men to labor all day at their art
(They did well by any measure.)

Not even the Japs can buy this stuff now,
It is the local economy.
The pilgrims have come, and boy do they bow
To the art, not the love of astronomy.

The shoppers still shop, the clerks here are cold,
And the sewer stinks up the streets.
And after a hard day of peddling gold
The ladies are staining the sheets.

But what makes Firenze the place to be
Isn’t David or Verdi, it June:
And the slow water flowing, cool summer breeze
And the lunatics under the moon.

Copyright, Doug Stuber, 1996. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given, and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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