Positive Relationships Via D-A-R-K








These are part of the weaponry against anger, unwarranted confrontation and negative dynamics the infect so many relationships.

Relationships can be hotbeds for negative dynamics that become self-fulfilling prophecies (of doom) if couples involved in a negative rapport don’t work their way out of it.

Firstly: do not go long-term in a relationship in which you feel you have to change the other person in order for the relationship to work.You, nor a bevy of psychiatrists, can change anyone’s behavior until a crisis forces change (even then some don’t or can’t) Married or cohabitating couples will find it impossible to change their spouses, or done with great peril to the relationship.  The desire to remain the same, and to seek the same comforts the beginning of a relationship offered outweighs the ability to nag one’s partner into “behaving.”

Enough complaining about one’s spouse will most often cause major crisis and changes.  The change is that the couple breaks up, a much more likely outcome than nagging someone into real changes.Again, if y0ur mate is so disagreeable to your philosophy, or general idea of how to make a happy house, it should be broken off before it goes long term.

D- Dignity:  give your mate the support they need ot live the life they are most drawn to.

A- Accept and be aware of your mate’s flows.  This allows you to easily support their dreams. Be aware of how your actions and words affect others. Be aware of your mate’s past and how that might sometimes skew them off track.

R _Respect your own dreams and your mate’s.  Love their dreams, and support them, and the same respect will likely be given to your own dreams.

K- Kindness seems natural, but not to everyone.  Kindness and love are what make a happy home.  Be genuine in you affection.  Kindness smooths over disagreements that arise.

If person A can only confront and find flaws in Person B, (male and female are interchangeable here) then “B” will end up angry outwardly and create bad arguments due to resistance to change, etc. or internally, ending up depressed and deeply perturbed by “A.”

Getting rid of the dark side via D-A-R-K may not be easy one-on-one.  Further problems arise if children are involved and end up as referees, or emotionally scarred.  They also learn the negative dynamics and repeat them in their own relationships.  The Asians believe it takes ten generations to rid a family of this disease, so nip it in the bud if you can. A child can instantly adopt these methods and take them to school, where immediate problems can occur.  A child stuck seeking only negative attention can be very disruptive to a classroom.

A child who is secondary to their parents’ running argument will have a hard time respecting the opposite sex.  They probably will end up in a negative relationship or series of them, and may be ruined for life by their parents’ negativity.

My Dad solved this when Mom was over-stressed by circumstance (augmented by by over-controlling via alcohol).  He always had people outside the family over to the house.  There were dinner parties, and bigger parties, and a four-pack of parents and bridge club, etc.  In the summer my Mom’s sister’s family (a very positive one) came for 10 weeks at a lake house.  When others were around Mom’s personality sparkled and she was never mad at anyone.

This last tip may be a way to help turn your negative relationship around. The examples of others may rub off this way, an effective tool compared to constant put-downs.

If your mate’s personality clicks to positive in a crowd, or even a group of three or more, make sure you have others around before your partnership devolves into a continual battle.


Keep It Moving Lard-Ass

Keep It Moving Lard-Ass

Emotions scatter like cow-chip manna
across vast rolling hills, causing an afflicted
man, too old to cause misery, too brash to
apologize, to seek comfort. A Hermit Crab
scurrying to receptions, readings, auditions, gigs
then back to the shell of family without too
much interaction. Quickly now, back to
the knoll before another set of friends reacts
in horror to the infantile state that manifests
sporadically, persistently ruining the love once known.

Domestic probation means submitting to close
scrutiny, walking under glass and nail
ultimatums that threaten to crash down
with the slightest slip into laziness, away
from responsibility or into sub-par fatherhood.
Solutions lie in gentle strokes between
happiness and stress, arching the worries over
pits of uneasy anxiety to the soft moss of security.
Still, this brain, this feeble semi-adult heart fears
any prolonged exposure can cause even angels to flee.

Copyright, Doug Stuber, 2006. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given, and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Ode to the Seedless Thompson Grape

Ode to the Seedless Thompson Grape


Oh Thompson you’ve done it you devilish man,
Made concords repulsive, made eating so grand.
The sensamilla of fruit I hold in my hand,
My thought is to eat it, what a great plan.

September reminds me to lay a few in,
Ten pounds or so in a Rubbermaid bin.
They might last a month (five weeks if I’m lucky)
By November my tears could turn springwater mucky.

Why cry, asks a friend, over some stupid fruit,
(I’d punch out her eyelids if she weren’t so cute).
Are you kidding I shout, have you no compassion?
How dare you insult my fruit in this fashion!

Next thing you know you’ll attack my banana,
Or musical tastes from Cream to Santana.
Back off little lady, this grape is near perfect,
It’s better than Brando or Raspberry sherbet.

Next year I think I’ll acquire a freezer
And dump this dumb broad just after I squeeze her.
Then I’ll enjoy grapes through the snow
As old vineyards wither and icicles grow.



Copyright, Doug Stuber, 1988. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given, and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.