These are part of the weaponry against anger, unwarranted confrontation and negative dynamics the infect so many relationships.
Relationships can be hotbeds for negative dynamics that become self-fulfilling prophecies (of doom) if couples involved in a negative rapport don’t work their way out of it.
Firstly: do not go long-term in a relationship in which you feel you have to change the other person in order for the relationship to work.You, nor a bevy of psychiatrists, can change anyone’s behavior until a crisis forces change (even then some don’t or can’t) Married or cohabitating couples will find it impossible to change their spouses, or done with great peril to the relationship. The desire to remain the same, and to seek the same comforts the beginning of a relationship offered outweighs the ability to nag one’s partner into “behaving.”
Enough complaining about one’s spouse will most often cause major crisis and changes. The change is that the couple breaks up, a much more likely outcome than nagging someone into real changes.Again, if y0ur mate is so disagreeable to your philosophy, or general idea of how to make a happy house, it should be broken off before it goes long term.
D- Dignity: give your mate the support they need ot live the life they are most drawn to.
A- Accept and be aware of your mate’s flows. This allows you to easily support their dreams. Be aware of how your actions and words affect others. Be aware of your mate’s past and how that might sometimes skew them off track.
R _Respect your own dreams and your mate’s. Love their dreams, and support them, and the same respect will likely be given to your own dreams.
K- Kindness seems natural, but not to everyone. Kindness and love are what make a happy home. Be genuine in you affection. Kindness smooths over disagreements that arise.
If person A can only confront and find flaws in Person B, (male and female are interchangeable here) then “B” will end up angry outwardly and create bad arguments due to resistance to change, etc. or internally, ending up depressed and deeply perturbed by “A.”
Getting rid of the dark side via D-A-R-K may not be easy one-on-one. Further problems arise if children are involved and end up as referees, or emotionally scarred. They also learn the negative dynamics and repeat them in their own relationships. The Asians believe it takes ten generations to rid a family of this disease, so nip it in the bud if you can. A child can instantly adopt these methods and take them to school, where immediate problems can occur. A child stuck seeking only negative attention can be very disruptive to a classroom.
A child who is secondary to their parents’ running argument will have a hard time respecting the opposite sex. They probably will end up in a negative relationship or series of them, and may be ruined for life by their parents’ negativity.
My Dad solved this when Mom was over-stressed by circumstance (augmented by by over-controlling via alcohol). He always had people outside the family over to the house. There were dinner parties, and bigger parties, and a four-pack of parents and bridge club, etc. In the summer my Mom’s sister’s family (a very positive one) came for 10 weeks at a lake house. When others were around Mom’s personality sparkled and she was never mad at anyone.
This last tip may be a way to help turn your negative relationship around. The examples of others may rub off this way, an effective tool compared to constant put-downs.
If your mate’s personality clicks to positive in a crowd, or even a group of three or more, make sure you have others around before your partnership devolves into a continual battle.